I started dating Beth Ann in high school.

我和贝丝·安高中时开始交往

She used to make me sandwiches and sew buttons on my shirts.

她以前常给我做三明治还有缝衣服扣子

I tell you, there’s nothing sexier than a girl

相信我爱照顾人的女生

who likes to take care of you.

最性感了

I was introduced to Simone at a benefit.

我是在一次慈善晚会上认识萨蒙妮的

Oh, the entrance she made.

她的出场太惊艳了

Designer gown, dripping in diamonds.

设计师礼服挂满钻石

You could tell from the way she walked,

你能从她的走姿看出来

she knew she was fabulous.

她知道她美若天仙

I first saw Taylor at a women’s march.

我最初是在一次女性游行示威上见到泰勒的

She was giving a speech about dismantling the patriarchy.

她在做一个关于废除父权制的演讲

And I don’t really remember much of it,

讲了什么我记不大清了

because the entire time she was speaking, I was just thinking,

因为她整个演讲期间我都在想

“That is one hot feminist.”

“这个女权主义者也太性感了”

Beth Ann was a virgin on our wedding night.

新婚之夜时贝丝·安还是处女

I was Simone’s third husband.

我是萨蒙妮的第三任丈夫

Right away, Taylor told me she was bisexual.

泰勒一来就跟我说她是双性恋

She wanted nothing more than to be a housewife.

她一心只想做家庭主妇

Oh, she loved to shop and throw parties.

她喜欢购物和开派对

So I married a lawyer.

我娶了一个律师

My Jewish parents were thrilled.

我的犹太父母高兴坏了

We were very happy, for the first few years.

我们生活幸福不过只维持了几年

Until she discovered my secret.

直到她发现了我的秘密

And then, all hell broke loose.

然后生活就天翻地覆

Can you believe it?

你能相信吗

Oh, Rob. It’s lovely.

罗伯真漂亮

Damn straight.

那是当然

And it’s so big.

而且好大

Well, it’s a mansion, is what it is.

这可是豪宅

Yeah, you’re married to a guy

你嫁给了一个

who can afford a goddamn mansion.

买得起该死的豪宅的男人

– Hello. – Hello.

-你好 -你好

Sheila Mosconi. This is my husband, Leo.

我是希拉·莫斯科尼 这是我老公 利奥

I guess you’re our new neighbors.

你们应该就是我们的新邻居吧

I must apologize for my husband’s language.

抱歉我丈夫出口成脏

He’s excited because we’ve never lived anywhere this nice before.

他太激动了因为我们从没住过这么好的街区

– He doesn’t usually swear. – Relax.

-他平时很少说脏话的 -淡定

– We’re from Brooklyn. – Yeah. We don’t give a fuck.

-我们是布鲁克林的 -是的 我们才他妈不在乎

Yes.

好的

Well, it was lovely to meet you.

很高兴认识你们

After you unpack, invite us over.

你们放好行李后邀请我们去做客

I’ll give you the skinny on all the neighbors.

我给你说说街坊邻居的八卦

You know, who to avoid.

你懂的要回避哪些人

She just wants to see if your furniture’s nicer than ours.

她就是想看看你们家家具是不是比我们的好

I married a tightwad.

我嫁了一个守财奴

I know that her furniture is nicer than ours.

她家家具肯定比我们的好

The moving men will be here any second.

搬家公司的人马上就会来

After they’re done, we would love to host you.

他们完事后我们会很乐意邀请你们过来

I saw you talking to the neighbors.

我看到你和邻居聊天了

What are they like?

他们什么样

Italian.

意大利人

Karl?

卡尔

Karl?

卡尔

I’m in here, Simone.

我在这儿萨蒙妮

Oh. The phone is going to ring any second.

电话应该马上就会打来了

It’ll be Henri, my hairdresser, and he will be livid.

是我的理发师亨利他会暴怒的

– What have you done? – I’m 20 minutes late.

-你做了什么 -我迟到了20分钟

Again. He’s gonna try to say he’s given away my appointment.

又一次他会说他取消了我的预约

Don’t let him. Insist I left an hour ago,

不准他那么做你要坚称我一小时前就出门了

and that you’re beyond frantic.

你很抓狂

Can you do that, darling? Can you lie for me?

可以吗亲爱的你能为我撒谎吗

Well, last week, I told Delia Butrose you’d never had work done.

上周我跟德莉娅·布特罗斯说你从没整过容

This is why you’re the best husband I’ve ever had.

所以你是我有过的最棒的老公

I was just hoping to be in the top three.

我进前三就满足了

Wish me luck.

祝我好运

Hurry home.

早点回家

Our party starts at 7:00.

派对7点开始

You know me. I’m never late.

你了解我我从不迟到

For a party.

不会迟到参加派对

Saul.

索尔

– My man. – I just got your text. What’s up?

-哥们 -我刚收到你短信 怎么了

Actually, it’s my wife.

其实是我老婆找你

She requires a little face time.

她想跟你当面谈谈

Geez.

老天