夜雨聆风我一直深知“父母是孩子的第一任老师”这句话，明白他们对孩子有着巨大的影响，但过去总觉得这种影响很抽象。
直到有一天，一个朋友提起他摔了一跤，把裤子蹭破了。回家后，她妈妈没有关心那条破裤子，而是急切地问：“腿怎么样？疼不疼？”
听到这里的那一刻，我的眼泪差点掉下来。因为如果同样的事发生在我身上，父母肯定会责骂我把裤子弄破了，绝不会关心我的身体，更不会顾及我的心理。
而最恐怖的是，曾经的我，竟然一直以为这种冷漠的对待，才是正常的处理方式；物比人重要，是正确的观点。
类似的情景，我在一个短视频里也看到过：妻子不小心把碗摔在地上碎了，丈夫立刻过来安慰。确认妻子没受伤后，让她别动，自己把地面打扫干净。
这个小视频，再次让我泪流满面。反观自己，如果这种小事发生在我老公身上，我会骂他吗？
这一生，我活得小心翼翼，不敢犯错，因为在我的潜意识里，犯错就意味着被骂，甚至有时候，没有犯错也会被骂。
说一件小事给你听听。
小时候，我爸把家里的黑白电视机搬到另一张桌子上，而那张桌子上放着一只茶杯，我爸没看见，杯子掉在地上摔碎了。
结果，我爸把我们家三个孩子轮流骂了一遍，责怪我们在家不帮忙。
我永远不知道，我爸什么时候会发火。我的心一直处于“报警”状态，身体从来不敢放松。这种长期的紧绷，导致我的心智一直没能真正长大。
父母的言行，在孩子眼里，可能知道对与错，但在孩子的潜意识里，都是绝对正确的，而且，是唯一的模版。它们会潜移默化地成为孩子今后的行为模式，包括语言表达方式。
孩子会认为，别人做错事，就应该被骂；话就应该用这种语气、这种词汇来表达……最终形成固定的思维模式。
孩子会恨这一切，但最终，往往会惊恐地发现，自己竟然活成了最讨厌的样子，却不知缘由。
如果没有意识到其中的错误，这种创伤甚至可能传承给下一代。
所以，请每个人好好审视一下自己。如果是父母的问题，请努力让自己走出来；如果是自己的问题，请千万纠正，绝不能再传给孩子。
I have always deeply understood the saying, "Parents are a child's first teachers," and I know they have a huge influence on their children. But in the past, I always felt this influence was very abstract.
That changed one day when a friend mentioned that he had tripped and torn his pants. When he got home, his mother didn't care about the torn pants at all. Instead, she anxiously asked, "How are your legs? Do they hurt?"
The moment I heard that, my tears almost fell. Because if the same thing had happened to me, my parents would definitely have scolded me for tearing my pants. They would never have cared about my body, let alone my feelings.
And the most terrifying part is that I used to think this kind of cold treatment was the normal way to handle things; I thought that objects were more important than people.
I saw a similar scene in a short video: A wife accidentally dropped and broke a bowl. Her husband immediately came over to comfort her. After making sure she wasn't hurt, he told her not to move and cleaned up the floor himself.
This little video made me cry again. Looking back at myself, if this kind of small thing happened to my husband, would I scold him?
All my life, I have lived cautiously, afraid of making mistakes. Because in my subconscious, making a mistake means getting scolded. And sometimes, I get scolded even when I haven't done anything wrong.
Let me tell you a small story.
When I was a child, my dad moved our black-and-white TV to another table. There was a teacup on that table, and he didn't see it. The cup fell to the floor and shattered.
As a result, my dad scolded the three of us kids one by one, blaming us for not helping out around the house.
I never knew when my dad would lose his temper. My heart was always on "high alert," and my body never dared to relax. This long-term tension has kept my mind from truly growing up.
In a child's eyes, parents' words and actions might be recognized as right or wrong, but in their subconscious, they are absolutely correct and the only template. They subtly become the child's future behavior patterns, including their way of speaking.
Children will think that if someone does something wrong, they should be scolded; that words should be expressed with this tone and these vocabulary choices... Eventually, a fixed mindset is formed.
Children may hate all of this, but in the end, they are often horrified to discover that they have become the very person they hated most, without knowing why.
If we don't realize the mistakes, this trauma might even be passed down to the next generation.
So please, everyone, take a good look at yourselves. If it's your parents' issue, please work hard to heal and move on. If it's your own issue, please correct it. Never pass it on to your children.