ARTICLE · 1181400
【高考英语】谈论一段走出沮丧的经历(英语写作第1章第2期)
本文是我的英语写作模块，今天进入第1章的第2期。
第1章的大主题是“谈谈feel discouraged”，灵感来自菲尔兹奖得主王虹的介绍视频。Discouraged这个词引发了包括我在内的许多年轻人的共鸣，也让我对这种情绪的根源、如何应对这种情绪有了一定的思考。
本期内容，特别送给踏入新环境的年轻人。愿你们无论遭遇怎样的困境，都守住心中的目标，始终向着想要抵达的方向前行。
读前须知：
1. AI的使用：本期题目为AI在给定提示语的条件下生成，文章框架以个人手写稿为基础，使用AI修正语法错误、替换使用不当的词汇，并获取其它改进建议；同时，参考AI生成的内容撰写对文章的解析。
2. 文章的水准达到了及格水平，但算不上范文，仅作为示例；欢迎英语高手留言，提出进一步修改意见。
【题目】
假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。你们学校正在开展“把绊脚石铺成路”主题征文活动，请你用英语给校刊投稿，内容包括：
1. 一段让你感到沮丧（discouraged）的经历
2. 你是如何走出沮丧的
注意：1. 词数100左右；
2. 已给出的内容不计入总词数。
I felt discouraged when ...
One possible version:
I felt discouraged when I failed an important academic test three years ago. It was a vital event because only if I got a high score could I have access to a distinguished high school, which means a higher chance of getting into top universities. Although I got a decent score, my ranking was much lower than that in mock tests. Being aware of the fact that I would not receive the admission letter from my ideal high school, I was greatly depressed.
After talking with my parents, I realized I shouldn’t blame the failure entirely on my own performance. I still had the opportunity to strive for my own destiny. Therefore, I changed my mindset and devoted myself to my studies. Fortunately, my efforts paid off. The feeling of discouragement was largely swept away when I ranked first in my first-ever high-school exam. My experience serves as powerful evidence that setbacks can turn into stepping-stones if we face them bravely.
【文章解读】
（一）内容
1. 写作要点完整，覆盖了两项核心任务，结尾紧扣征文主题进行升华，符合李华的学生身份和校刊投稿语境
2. 叙事链条完整：从考试失利说起，解释考试的重要性、排名的落差、内心的低落，再到与家长沟通、调整心态、努力学习、并在高中取得进步，呈现了丰富的细节
（二）词汇
文章大量使用高考课标及拓展词汇，用词丰富、准确
access n.机会; 通道 have access to 有获得...的机会
distinguished adj.优秀的,知名的 形容学校声誉高,可替换为excellent
decent adj.尚可的,不错的 这里用来描述分数不算差,但不够理想
rank v.排名 n.名次 文中ranking是名词,表示排名
mock test 模拟考试
admission n.录取;准许进入 admission letter 录取通知书
depressed adj.沮丧的，意志消沉的 这里呼应了题干的关键词discouraged
blame A on B 把A归咎于B
performance n.表现 此处指考试发挥
strive for 努力争取
destiny n.命运
mindset 心态,思维模式
devote v.致力于 devote oneself to sth 投身于
effort n.努力
pay off 取得回报;奏效
sweep v.扫除,清除 sweep away 此处引申为消除负面情绪
serve as powerful evidence that 作为有力的证据证明...
setback n.挫折
stepping-stone 垫脚石
（三）语法
①Only if I got a high score could I have access to...
Only+状语从句置于句首,主句要部分倒装（即，助动词/情态动词提前）
正常语序：I could have access to ... only if I got a high score.
②a distinguished high school, which means a higher chance of ...
非限制性定语从句，which指代前面整件事（考上重点高中），不是只指代school
③being aware of the fact that I would not receive...
现在分词作原因状语；
这句话的语法成立，但有两处瑕疵，我故意保留了下来。其一，the fact强调事实，通常指已经确定、已经发生的事情，但后面接would not receive是一个尚未发生的未来情况，在逻辑上别扭。其二，being aware of the fact that是常见的冗余表达，6个单词的信息密度低，不建议使用。本句可改为Knowing that I might fail to receive...或写成I feared I would fail to get the admission to my ideal high school。
④Although ... my ranking was much lower than that in mock tests.
that为代词，指代单数名词ranking，避免名词重复；该用法在议论文、图表作文的数据对比中也常用
⑤The feeling of discouragement was largely swept away...
主语为feeling，被动语态更能客观地描写情绪被消解
⑤My experience serves as powerful evidence that setbacks can turn into stepping stones if we face them bravely.
句中that引导同位语从句，解释evidence的具体内容，that不作为从句的成分，不可以替换为which
全文熟练运用多种复杂结构，无语法错误，考场建议在长难句中适当搭配短句，实现长短错落，避免通篇长句堆叠。
（四）逻辑
合理使用了Although，after，therefore，fortunately等连接词串联情节，故事事件顺序清晰，行文逻辑通顺。
不足之处在于但部分长句内部逻辑链条过长，读者不容易理解。
