第13章 读后续写真题研讨——2023年新课标Ⅰ卷&Ⅱ卷

本章以2023年新课标Ⅰ卷&Ⅱ卷读后续写真题（“写作比赛获奖”）为例，完成“命题特点分析—思维层级诊断—教学干预设计”三步研究。需特别说明：2023年新课标Ⅰ卷与Ⅱ卷使用同一道读后续写试题（英语为第二语言的巴西裔少年在老师鼓励下参加写作比赛）。本题把“成长”落回最贴近学生的课堂场景——从“我认定自己不行”，到“有人看见我、我也看见了自己”。

13.1 高考真题回顾——“写作比赛获奖”

“我”上中学时，社会研究课老师让“我”参加一场写作比赛。“我”想都没想就拒绝了——“我”不爱写作，家里来自巴西，英语只是“我”的第二语言，写作对“我”又难又痛苦，老师甚至允许“我”用演一出戏的方式代替书面作业，把泰坦尼克号沉没的故事演出来，那一次他笑得最响。

所以，他为什么突然要逼“我”做一件“我”笃定会失败的事？他的回答是：“因为我喜欢你的故事。只要你愿意下功夫，我认为你很有机会。”被这句话打动，“我”决定试一试。

“我”选了保罗·里维尔（Paul Revere）的马作为题材——1775年4月18日夜里，这位波士顿银匠骑着马奔赴列克星敦，去警告人们英军将至。“我”的故事要“从马嘴里讲出来”，不算高明，但有趣，而且不太可能和别人撞题。写作过程中，“我”疲惫、怀疑、想放弃，可像那匹传说中的马一样，还是坚持了下来：用词典核对拼写、请姐姐改语法、从图书馆借来半打关于保罗·里维尔的书，还真的读了几本。交稿后老师读完大笑，说：“很好。现在，重写一遍。”“我”写了又写，改了一稿又一稿。等到终于定稿时，想赢的念头已经让位给写作本身的快乐——如果不获奖，“我”也不在乎了。

续写两段段首句：

Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news.

Paragraph 2: I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation.

13.2 命题特点分析

13.2.1 选材特点：从“外部挑战”转向“课堂内部的成长”

2023年新课标卷延续了读后续写“积极向上、贴近生活、立德树人”的选材规律，但把镜头拉回了学校日常：一位不善写作的少年，一场他本不情愿参加的写作比赛。故事表面平淡，内里却是一次完整的自我认知转变。把本题放进近几年的主题谱系中，走向一目了然：

这张表给出的信号很明确：主题谱系稳定（亲情—勇气—认同—诚信—和解），而“成长”的落点正从“战胜外部困难”走向“被看见之后的自我确认”。备考时按主题归类训练故事山与升华范式，性价比极高。

需要特别注意的是本题的“双刃剑效应”：最大优势是情境贴近学生的学习生活——“被否定、被鼓励、被认可”几乎是每个学生共有的经验，容易共情、容易下笔；但正因情节平缓（没有生死，也没有激烈冲突），考生极易把续写写成“获奖—致谢—升华”的流水账，把最能出彩的“自我怀疑→被信任→热爱萌发”这一心理链条一笔带过。

13.2.2 主题立意：由“自我怀疑”到“被看见”，价值导向指向师恩与热爱

与2026年全国一卷“由冷到暖”、全国二卷“由沉沦到自律”不同，本题的情感结构是“自我怀疑—被信任—热爱萌发”的内向生长。原文写到“想赢的念头已经让位给写作本身的快乐”便戛然而止，情感势能已经蓄满：续写要处理的是两个问题——好消息如何落地？这份荣誉“我”归给谁？

情感走向：难以置信（几乎忘记比赛）→意外之喜（获奖）→郑重致谢（颁奖典礼）→（P2）师生对话与自我确认→写作从任务变成热爱。

升华落点：一个人的潜能，往往需要另一个人先“看见”；被信任是热爱的起点；真正的奖赏不是奖状，而是发现自己热爱什么。切忌把结尾写成“只要努力就能成功”“我们要尊敬老师”的空口号——那只是情节层面，不是价值层面。

13.2.3 段首句设计：给出“消息—回应”的因果骨架

第一段：A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news.

“almost forgot”是命题人埋下的情绪伏笔：从“不在意”到“意外之喜”，反差越大越动人；它也回扣了原文的结局——“我”已经不在乎输赢，心态是释然的。

“there came the news”限定情节：必须写明消息的具体内容与“我”的第一反应，并且第一段结尾要落在“颁奖典礼已经结束”这一既成事实上。

第二段：I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation.

“after the award presentation”是时间锚点：颁奖已结束，“我”是带着奖状、证书去找老师，而不是去领奖；这一段的重心从“事件”转到“对话与内心”。

段首句逻辑桥：两段之间是“喜讯落地（因）—当面回应（果）”的关系。第一段必须完成“获知消息—参加典礼—上台受奖并致谢”，第二段的“颁奖后去办公室”才站得住脚。

13.3 故事六要素拆解（5W1H）

动笔前先用六要素把原文信息全部提取出来，确保续写每一处情节有据可依：

⚠️ 考场提醒：How必须由原文冲突推导。“我”的情绪起点是“自我怀疑”，而不是“志在必得”，所以第一段的基调应当是“意外”而非“理所当然”，更不能写成“我早就知道我会赢”。老师的形象是“幽默而坚定”（No one laughed harder than he did. / “Great. Now, write it again.”），第二段中他不应表现为激动落泪或居高临下，而应延续这种温暖与克制。此外，原文已明确“我”的动机发生了转变（the enjoyment of writing），续写不宜再用“我要证明给别人看”来驱动情节。

13.4 故事山拆解

低分警示（故事山断裂的典型）：第一段只写“我得了奖、很高兴”，不写颁奖典礼与当众致谢，第二段“颁奖后去办公室”就失去前提；或者第一段大段复述“我如何写稿”（原文已经写过），既挤占续写空间，又违反了段首句给出的时间起点——两段逻辑脱节，属于多点结构（11-15分）。

高分（抽象扩展结构）：完整走完五个阶段，并在第二段结尾把“一次获奖”抽象为“被看见”与“热爱的觉醒”，让结尾从事件走向价值。

13.5 SOLO层级对照与考场误区

考场常见误区：

❌ 流水账段：把P1写成“我得了一等奖—大家鼓掌—我很开心”，把P2写成“我感谢老师—老师鼓励我—我立志努力”的万能套话，谁都能套，缺少本题独有的“从写作痛苦到写作享受”的细节。

❌ 忽略“almost forgot”：写成“我天天盼着结果、坐立不安”，与段首句“几乎忘记”，以及原文“不在乎输赢”的释然心态相矛盾。

❌ 情绪裸奔：通篇 excited、so happy、jumped with joy，没有“难以置信—确认—郑重致谢”的层次。

❌ 老师形象失真：写成老师激动落泪、与“我”拥抱，或写成老师来认领功劳——违背原文幽默克制的师者形象（No one laughed harder than he did.）。

❌ 时空错位：P2写成“多年以后我成了作家”，把原文的余味写成一份简历；原文的“我”仍是中学生，视野与口吻都要符合其身份。

❌ 升华跑偏：结尾突然来一句“Where there is a will, there is a way.”或“我们要尊敬老师”，脱离了“被看见与热爱”的内核。

✅ 正确路径：第一段落在“消息—惊喜—典礼受奖—当众致谢”，第二段落在“办公室里的师生对话＋自我确认＋热爱的确认”，最后由具体经历自然升华。

13.6 高分语言技巧示范

基于2023年真题情境原创，使用方法：先定情节（六要素＋故事山），再用技巧“装修”，切忌颠倒顺序。

13.6.1 衔接句——段内推进与两段搭桥

段内推进：The news hit me like a warm wave — the story that had once felt like a burden had been seen and rewarded.

译文：那消息像一阵暖流击中我——那个曾让我觉得沉重不堪的故事，被看见了，也被认可了。

功能：承接段首“消息传来”，完成“意外→确认→感动”的心理推进，为典礼上的致谢蓄势。

两段搭桥（关键）：Clutching the certificate, I walked straight to the little office where my journey had really begun.

译文：我攥着证书，径直走向那间真正让我踏上这段旅程的小办公室。

功能：第一段必须落在“典礼结束、走向办公室”的节点上，才能无缝对接第二段“颁奖后我去老师办公室”。

13.6.2 心理描写——间接心理，由冲突推导

范例（难以置信）：For a moment I simply stood there, the words refusing to settle in my mind — I, the boy who could barely write in English, had won.

译文：有那么一瞬间，我只是站在原地，那些字怎么也落不进脑子里——我，那个连英语都写不顺的男孩，竟然获奖了。（回扣原文 English was only my second language）

范例（旧日疑虑终于安静）：Only when I stood on the stage did the old doubt fall silent at last.

译文：直到站上领奖台，那份旧日的自我怀疑才终于安静下来。

对比低分：I was very happy and surprised.（形容词裸奔，无细节）

13.6.3 环境描写——以“柔光”与“安静”托住内心的暖

范例（P1，典礼现场）：Soft sunlight streamed through the hall windows, falling on the faces of those who had come to celebrate with me.

译文：柔和的阳光穿过礼堂的窗户，落在那群来与我一同庆祝的人脸上。

范例（P2，办公室里）：In the small office, the afternoon light lay quietly across the desk, warm and unhurried.

译文：小小的办公室里，午后的光静静地铺在桌面上，温暖而从容。

解析：本篇不宜大起大落的环境铺陈，用“柔光／安静”与内心的“暖、释然”同向即可。切勿为写景而写景，环境必须与人物情绪同向。

13.6.4 情绪描写——把情绪具象化

范例（惊喜）：My hands trembled slightly as I unfolded the letter, and for a second I could hardly breathe.

译文：我展开那封信时，双手微微发颤，有那么一秒几乎喘不上气。

范例（郑重与感激）：My eyes stung with tears as I thanked the man who had believed in me long before I believed in myself.

译文：当我向那个在我相信自己之前就先相信我的人道谢时，眼睛被泪水刺得发疼。

实操小句型：one’s hands trembled；one’s eyes stung with tears；one’s throat tightened；disbelief and joy mingled in one’s heart。

13.6.5 动作描写——用有序动作链展现“受奖与致谢”

受奖动作链：I mounted the stage, took the certificate with both hands, and bowed slightly before turning to find my teacher in the crowd.

译文：我走上台，双手接过证书，微微鞠躬，然后转身在人群里寻找我的老师。（三个有序动作，替代I got the prize 的干瘪表达）

致谢动作链：I stepped towards him, held out my hand and said, my voice shaking, “It was you who taught me to love writing.”

译文：我走向他，伸出手，颤着声音说：“是你教会我热爱写作。”

13.6.6 对话描写——少而精，回扣原文人物

回扣老师（P1典礼致谢）：“It’s you who make me fall in love with writing,” I said. “Without your recognition and guidance, I couldn’t have written a single page.”

译文：“是你让我爱上写作，”我说，“没有你的认可和指导，我连一页都写不出来。”

回扣老师（P2办公室，延续原文的幽默与克制）：“Great. Now, keep writing,” he said, the familiar smile spreading across his face.

译文：“很好。那就继续写下去。”他说，那熟悉的笑容在他脸上漫开。（回扣原文 Great. Now, write it again.）

禁忌：不要两段全写对话；不要用大段感谢对话占满第二段；对话必须贴合人物身份（老师的幽默克制、学生的真诚），对话之后必须跟上动作、心理。

13.6.7 主旨升华——第二段结尾，三种安全范式

范式1 感悟式（本题最适配）：It dawned on me that I had not won because I was gifted, but because someone had believed in me long before I believed in myself.

译文：我恍然明白，我赢的不是天赋，而是在我相信自己之前，先有人相信了我。

范式2 画面定格＋情感回味：Years would pass, but I would never forget that small office — the quiet afternoon light, and a teacher who simply said, “Keep writing.”

译文：岁月会流逝，但我永远不会忘记那间小小的办公室——安静的午后光线，和一位只说了一句“继续写下去”的老师。

范式3 回扣关键词首尾呼应：The contest had asked me to write a story; it turned out that the story was about a boy who learned to love writing.

译文：这场比赛只让我写一个故事；可到头来，那个故事讲的正是——一个男孩如何爱上写作。

失分点：升华过早（第二段中段就大段讲道理）；升华跑题（写成“尊敬老师”“努力学习”的空口号）；中式口号直译，破坏叙事美感。

13.6.8 分层范文示例

示例一·关联结构（16-20分，约160词）

Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news. I had won the first prize. For a moment I simply stood there — I, the boy whose English was only his second language, had won. Two days later came the award presentation. When my name was called, I walked onto the stage, took the certificate with both hands and thanked my teacher in front of everyone. Then, holding the certificate, I walked towards his office.

Paragraph 2: I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation. He was already waiting for me, a familiar smile on his face. “Great. Now, keep writing,” he said. I told him writing was no longer painful, and that I wanted to write more stories. He nodded and said nothing more — he did not need to. Walking out into the bright afternoon, I understood that what I had really won was not a prize, but the beginning of a lifelong love.

示例二· 抽象扩展结构（21-25分，约190词）

Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news. I had won the first prize, and the award presentation would be in two days. The words refused to settle in my mind — I, the boy who had once acted out the sinking of the Titanic because writing hurt, had written something worth reading. Soft sunlight filled the hall as I mounted the stage. “It’s you who make me fall in love with writing,” I said, my voice shaking. Clutching the certificate, I walked towards the office where my journey had begun.

Paragraph 2: I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation. He was waiting for me, wearing the smile I had known since my first day in his class. “Great. Now, keep writing,” he said, exactly as he had said long ago. I told him the fear was gone, and that I wanted to write about the people I loved. He simply nodded. Light lay quietly across his desk. I walked out, aware that the contest had only asked me for a story — and the story was about a boy who learned to love writing.

13.7 本章小结与备考启示

命题规律可循：近几年主题谱系稳定（亲情—勇气—认同—善意—自律—谦逊），2023年新课标卷把“成长”落回课堂内部——从“我认定自己不行”到“被看见，也看见了自己”。备考应把“校园学习场景＋自我认知修正”列为独立的训练单元，这类题往往“门槛低、上限高”。

段首句是情节路标：本题段首句给出“消息（news）—回应（office）”的因果骨架。审题阶段先画“段首句逻辑桥”：第一段须完成“获知消息—参加典礼—受奖致谢”并落在“走向办公室”，第二段才成立。

原文细节即现成素材：English was only my second language、Because I love your stories、acting out a play、Great. Now, write it again.、the enjoyment of writing 都是可反复回扣的伏笔与升华支点，用足用透，情节自然有据。

心理转折是本题的分水岭：真正的考点不在“获奖”，而在“我”如何从“自认必败”走到“发现自己热爱写作”。只写事件不写认知转变，最多到关联结构；把“被看见—被信任—热爱萌发”的心理链写出来，才有机会进入抽象扩展结构。

思维层级决定档次：先用地基（六要素＋故事山）保住情节逻辑，再用装修（七大技巧）冲击抽象扩展结构——地基不稳，再华丽的描写也拿不到高分。

13.8 教学研究反思与总结

本章以2023年新课标Ⅰ卷&Ⅱ卷读后续写真题（“写作比赛获奖”）为例，按“真题文本分析—学情诊断—教学干预—复测提炼”的研究路径展开。因2023年新课标Ⅰ卷与Ⅱ卷为同题，本章合并研讨；这也是本系列研究反复观察到的一条命题规律：高考读后续写以“主题母题＋叙事框架”为单位复用素材，教学应以“母题＋技法”而非“年份＋试卷”组织训练。

本章研究内容：①命题特点分析（选材走向、主题立意、段首句设计）；②故事要素与结构拆解（5W1H＋故事山）；③基于SOLO分类的层级诊断标准；④语言技巧示范与分层范文。

本章研究方法：①文本分析法；②量规评分法（SOLO分层诊断）；③行动研究法（两轮教学干预）；④对比分析法（前测—后测层级分布对比）。

本章研究步骤：第一阶段，真题文本分析——完成真题的语言难度、情节结构、伏笔清单梳理，形成“命题特点报告”。第二阶段，学情诊断——以本班学生真实作答为样本，用SOLO量规评分分层，建立典型个案库（诊断示例为教学示意样本，用于说明诊断维度，非真实学生原文）。第三阶段，教学干预（两轮行动研究）：第一轮（单班）——①真题文本研读＋六要素提取＋故事山绘制；②“消息—回应”两段式提纲训练，重点纠治“流水账式感谢信”；③围绕“从自我怀疑到自我确认”设计心理描写专项仿写。第二轮（平行班）——针对第一轮暴露的问题（如“情绪裸奔、升华口号化”）修订干预方案，增加“情绪曲线图”与“升华范式库”，引入分层量规自评与同伴互评。第四阶段，复测与提炼——同题（或同主题，如“一次被鼓励的经历”）后测，对比前后测的SOLO层级分布，提炼可迁移的教学策略。

总之，以SOLO分类理论为框架，把“分数差异”还原为“思维层级差异”，实现可诊断、可干预、可复现的教学改进。本题“被看见与热爱”的主题，也为写作教学中的“鼓励教育”提供了真实可感的分析样本。

附录：2023年新课标Ⅰ卷&Ⅱ卷读后续写真题原文

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

When I was in middle school, my social studies teacher asked me to enter a writing contest. I said no without thinking. I did not love writing. My family came from Brazil, so English was only my second language. Writing was so difficult and painful for me that my teacher had allowed me to present my paper on the sinking of the Titanic by acting out a play, where I played all the parts. No one laughed harder than he did.

So, why did he suddenly force me to do something at which I was sure to fail? His reply: “Because I love your stories. If you’re willing to apply yourself, I think you have a good shot at this.” Encouraged by his words, I agreed to give it a try.

I chose Paul Revere’s horse as my subject. Paul Revere was a silversmith (银匠) in Boston who rode a horse at night on April 18, 1775 to Lexington to warn people that British soldiers were coming. My story would come straight from the horse’s mouth. Not a brilliant idea, but funny; and unlikely to be anyone else’s choice.

What did the horse think, as he sped through the night? Did he get tired? Have doubts? Did he want to quit? I sympathized immediately. I got tired. I had doubts. I wanted to quit. But, like Revere’s fabled horse, I kept going. I worked hard. I checked my spelling with a dictionary. I asked my older sister to correct my grammar. I checked out a half-dozen books on Paul Revere from the library. I even read a few of them.

When I handed in the essay to my teacher, he read it, laughed out loud, and said, “Great. Now, write it again.”

I wrote it again, and again and again. When I finally finished it, the thought of winning had given way to the enjoyment of writing. If I didn’t win, I wouldn’t care.

注意：

1.续写词数应为150个左右；

2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, when I almost forgot the contest, there came the news.

Paragraph 2: I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation.