ARTICLE · 1144310
高中英语写作专项突破2
高中英语写作专项突破2
第一部分：应用文写作（建议信）一、 原题展现假定你是李华，你在外教 David 的口语课堂上收获颇多。为了进一步提升下学期的课堂质量，David 向大家征求改进建议。请你写一封建议信给他，内容包括：1. 介绍收获并表示感激；2. 提出建议并说明理由。 注意：3. 写作词数应为80左右；4. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。二、 如何审题1. 体裁：应用文（建议信）。2. 人称：第一人称（I）为主。3. 时态：以一般现在时为主，辅以现在完成时（介绍收获）和一般将来时（提建议）。4. 对象：外教 David（语气需真诚、礼貌、尊重）。5. 核心任务：表达感谢（口语课收获） + 提出建议（如何让下学期课堂更好）并说明理由。6. 字数：80词左右。三、构思方案（三段式谋篇）· 第一段（开门见山，表达感激）： 礼貌问候，直接表明写信目的（感谢口语课带来的收获，如口语提升、自信心增强等）。· 第二段（提出建议，阐明理由）： 给出1-2条具体建议，并附上理由（这是得分核心，体现逻辑性）。 · 建议方向A： 增加更多互动活动（如小组讨论、角色扮演），理由：能增加开口说英语的机会。 · 建议方向B： 引入更多贴近生活的原声视频材料，理由：能提升学习兴趣，了解真实语境。· 第三段（期盼与结尾）： 表达对下学期的期待，祝福老师。四、拟草稿过程第一段草稿初稿：Dear David, I write to thank you for your oral English class. I learned a lot and my confidence is better.· Dear David, —— 亲爱的 David：· I write to thank you for your oral English class. —— 我写信是为了感谢你的英语口语课。· I learned a lot and my confidence is better. —— 我学到了很多，我的自信心也变好了。问题： 表达过于简单，缺乏礼貌感与具体性。修改：I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for your wonderful oral English classes. I have benefited a great deal, especially in improving my spoken English and building up my confidence.· I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for your wonderful oral English classes. —— 我写这封信是为了对您精彩的英语口语课表达我诚挚的感谢。· I have benefited a great deal, especially in improving my spoken English and building up my confidence. —— 我受益匪浅，尤其是在提高口语水平和增强自信心方面。修改理由：· I am writing to express... 是书信常用正式开头；· benefited a great deal 比 learned a lot 更地道；· especially in... 具体说明收获，内容更充实。第二段草稿（得分核心）初稿：I suggest more activities. We can speak more. And more videos are good.· I suggest more activities. —— 我建议多一些活动。· We can speak more. —— 我们可以多说一些。· And more videos are good. —— 而且更多视频是好的。问题： 建议笼统，理由不充分，逻辑不清。修改思路：1. 先总起：I would like to offer two suggestions.2. 建议一 + 理由：互动活动（角色扮演、小组讨论）→ 增加开口机会3. 建议二 + 理由：原声视频材料 → 激发兴趣、接触真实语境4. 用 First / Second 连接，用 which / as 引出理由修改：To make our classes even better next term, I would like to offer two suggestions. First, it would be helpful to incorporate (包含) more interactive (互动的) activities such as role-playing and group discussions, which would give us more opportunities to practice speaking in a relaxed and supportive(支 持的)environment. Second, I suggest introducing more authentic video materials, as they can spark our interest and expose us to real-life English contexts.· To make our classes even better next term, I would like to offer two suggestions. —— 为了让下学期的课程更加完善，我想提两条建议。· First, it would be helpful to incorporate more interactive activities such as role-playing and group discussions, —— 首先，如果能加入更多互动活动，比如角色扮演和小组讨论，将会很有帮助，· which would give us more opportunities to practice speaking in a relaxed and supportive environment. —— 因为这样能让我们在轻松、有支持的氛围中有更多开口说英语的机会。· Second, I suggest introducing more authentic video materials, —— 其次，我建议引入更多原汁原味的视频材料，· as they can spark our interest and expose us to real-life English contexts. —— 因为它们能激发我们的兴趣，让我们接触到真实的英语语境。修改理由：· it would be helpful to... 语气委婉，符合建议信礼貌原则；· such as 引出具体活动，内容不空洞；· which 从句解释理由，逻辑紧密；· as 从句说明第二条理由，条理清晰。第三段草稿初稿：Thank you. I hope next term class. Goodbye.· Thank you. —— 谢谢。· I hope next term class. —— 我希望下学期课。（表达不完整）· Goodbye. —— 再见。问题： 过于简略，缺乏情感与祝福。修改：Thank you again for your dedication and encouragement. I am really looking forward to your class next term!· Thank you again for your dedication and encouragement. —— 再次感谢您的付出与鼓励。· I am really looking forward to your class next term! —— 我非常期待您下学期的课！修改理由：· again 呼应首段感谢；· dedication and encouragement 使感谢更具体、更真诚；· look forward to 表达期盼，符合结尾功能。第四步：通读润色检查要点：· 三段是否各司其职？✓· 建议是否具体、理由是否充分？✓· 语气是否礼貌得体？✓· 有无语法、拼写错误？✓五、连句成篇（将上面三段修改稿按书信格式连缀成文。）Dear David,I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for your wonderful oral English classes. I have benefited a great deal, especially in improving my spoken English and building up my confidence.To make our classes even better next term, I would like to offer two suggestions. First, it would be helpful to incorporate more interactive activities such as role-playing and group discussions, which would give us more opportunities to practice speaking in a relaxed and supportive environment. Second, I suggest introducing more authentic video materials, as they can spark our interest and expose us to real-life English contexts.Thank you again for your dedication and encouragement. I am really looking forward to your class next term!Yours,Li Hua译文亲爱的 David：我写这封信是为了对您精彩的英语口语课表达我诚挚的感谢。我受益匪浅，尤其是在提高口语水平和增强自信心方面。为了让下学期的课程更加完善，我想提两条建议。首先，如果能加入更多互动活动，比如角色扮演和小组讨论，将会很有帮助，因为这样能让我们在轻松、有支持的氛围中有更多开口说英语的机会。其次，我建议引入更多原汁原味的视频材料，因为它们能激发我们的兴趣，让我们接触到真实的英语语境。再次感谢您的付出与鼓励。我非常期待您下学期的课！此致敬礼，李华第二部分：读后续写一、 原题展现阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Tom was in high school for half a year, yet he still didn't adapt to the new school life. He was unwilling to communicate with others. In class, he often felt lonely among his classmates, always lost in his own thoughts. As a result, he became increasingly unhappy and his learning performance began to get worse.Mr. Smith, the headteacher, noticed his unhappiness. One Friday afternoon, the teacher walked to him and said, "Tom, I've noticed that you've been a bit down lately. Is there anything wrong? Are you willing to share your feelings with me?" Hesitating for a moment, Tom said in a low voice, "I just can't fit in here. I miss my parents and old friends so much, and it seems that I have little in common with the classmates here." They talked for a long time that afternoon.The next Monday, it was time for the class to change seats as usual and the headteacher asked Jack, an outgoing and helpful boy, to sit next to Tom. Jack said cheerfully, "I'd like to make friends with you." Tom was amazed by Jack's friendly offer, but soon felt a wave of warmth flowing through his heart. Jack started a lively conversation at once, sharing his favorite hobbies and interesting experiences. Tom, who had been so lonely before, slowly found himself responding and opening up.注意：1. 续写词数应为150左右；2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。 Paragraph 1: In the following days, Jack invited Tom to join in different activities. Paragraph 2: With Jack's company and encouragement, Tom began to change.二、 第一步：5W1H原则 —— 梳理原文信息· Who (人物)：Tom（不适应新学校、孤独、成绩下降的转学生）、Mr. Smith（细心关爱学生的班主任）、Jack（开朗热心、主动伸出援手的新同桌）。· Where (地点)：高中校园。· When (时间)：Tom转学半年后的一个周五下午及随后的周一。· What (事件)：Tom因无法融入新环境而郁郁寡欢，班主任Mr. Smith主动谈心了解情况。周一时，班主任安排热心肠的Jack与Tom同桌，Jack主动示好，Tom开始慢慢敞开心扉。· Why (原因)：Tom性格内向，缺乏社交主动性，思念旧友，与新同学缺少共同话题。· How (情感线)：孤独、失落、抗拒 ➔ 被老师触动的犹豫、倾诉后的释放 ➔ 面对Jack热情时的惊讶、温暖 ➔ （续写部分需体现）逐渐融入、重拾自信、感恩友谊。三、 第二步：五定十句法 —— 拟草稿（实战演练）我们将两段分别拆解为 5 个动作/情感节点（A0-A5, B0-B5），共10句话。🌲 Paragraph 1: 融入集体（A0 - A5）· A0 (段首句): In the following days, Jack invited Tom to join in different activities.· 定 A1 (衔接段首句-动作接龙): 无论是打篮球还是参加学习小组，Jack总是热情地拉着Tom一起。Whether playing basketball or joining study groups, Jack always enthusiastically pulled Tom along.· A2 (情节发展-冲突升级/细节补充): 起初，Tom感到紧张不安，害怕自己会出丑或拖后腿。At first, Tom felt nervous and uneasy, afraid that he might embarrass himself or hold others back.· A3 (转折承接-对方反应/自我应对): 然而，在Jack不断的鼓励和同学们真诚的笑容中，Tom放下了防备，开始真正投入到活动中。However, with Jack's constant encouragement and the genuine smiles of classmates, Tom dropped his guard and truly immersed himself in the activities.· A4 (铺垫过渡-指向下段): 渐渐地，他发现自己不仅能和大家融洽相处，还能在集体中找到归属感。Gradually, he found that he could not only get along well with others but also find a sense of belonging in the group.· 定 A5 (过渡句到P2-反向文字接龙): 这种积极的校园生活，正悄然改变着Tom的内心世界。This active campus life was quietly changing Tom's inner world.🏠 Paragraph 2: 蜕变与成长（B0 - B5）· B0 (段首句): With Jack's company and encouragement, Tom began to change.· 定 B1 (衔接段首句-动作接龙): 他不再整天低头不语，脸上开始绽放出自信的笑容。He no longer kept his head down all day in silence, and a confident smile began to bloom on his face.· B2 (情节发展-行动推进/场景切换): 课堂上，他敢于举手发表自己的看法，成绩也稳步提升。In class, he dared to raise his hand to express his views, and his grades improved steadily.· B3 (转折承接-矛盾化解/情感升温): 看到他的转变，班主任Mr. Smith欣慰地笑了，而Tom心中对老师和Jack充满了无限的感激。Seeing his transformation, Mr. Smith smiled with relief, and Tom's heart was filled with infinite gratitude towards his teacher and Jack.· 定 B4 (故事性结尾-问题妥善解决): 那个曾经孤独迷茫的男孩，终于在新学校找到了属于自己的光芒。The boy who was once lonely and lost finally found his own light in the new school.· 定 B5 (主题升华): 站在洒满阳光的操场上，Tom明白：真诚的友谊是治愈孤独的良药，而勇敢地敞开心扉，是拥抱新生活的开始。Standing on the sunlit playground, Tom understood that sincere friendship is the cure for loneliness, and bravely opening one's heart is the beginning of embracing a new life.四、 第三步：连句成文 —— 高分范文展示将上述10句话草稿，加入适当的连词和修饰语，润色成文：Paragraph 1:In the following days, Jack invited Tom to join in different activities. Whether playing basketball or joining study groups, Jack always enthusiastically pulled Tom along. At first, Tom felt nervous and uneasy, afraid that he might embarrass himself or hold others back. However, with Jack's constant encouragement and the genuine smiles of classmates, Tom dropped his guard and truly immersed himself in the activities. Gradually, he found that he could not only get along well with others but also find a sense of belonging in the group. This active campus life was quietly changing Tom's inner world.Paragraph 2:With Jack's company and encouragement, Tom began to change. He no longer kept his head down all day in silence, and a confident smile began to bloom on his face. In class, he dared to raise his hand to express his views, and his grades improved steadily. Seeing his transformation, Mr. Smith smiled with relief, and Tom's heart was filled with infinite gratitude towards his teacher and Jack. The boy who was once lonely and lost finally found his own light in the new school. Standing on the sunlit playground, Tom understood that sincere friendship is the cure for loneliness, and bravely opening one's heart is the beginning of embracing a new life.👨🏫 老师课后点拨（高分秘籍）：1. 应用文切忌“假大空”：提建议时，一定要避免只说“Please make the class better”。要用具体的名词（如 interactive activities, authentic video materials）来展现你的思考深度。2. 续写A1/B1是“黄金接龙”：A0提到了“邀请参加活动”，A1就具体描写“参加什么活动、怎么参加”；B0提到了“开始改变”，B1就直接描写“具体改变了什么（动作/神态）”，绝不跑题。3. 续写A3/B3是“情节转折点”：A3必须完成从“紧张”到“融入”的心理转变；B3必须展现“蜕变的结果”，并感恩帮助过他的人，完成情感的闭环。4. 续写A5和B5是“点睛之笔”：A5顺利将场景从“活动”过渡到“内心变化”，为第二段作铺垫；B5则以“友谊”和“敞开心扉”升华主旨，立意阳光积极，绝对能拿高分。 
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