ARTICLE · 1166224
高中英语读后续写——双向奔赴,跨越年龄的邻里友情!
范文可参考文末🔗
读后续写原文
Julissa Gomez was 18 years old when her family moved into a new home in California. It was the moving day—boxes everywhere, furniture half-assembled, and the stress of starting over in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Julissa’s family barely had time to catch their breath.
Then came a gentle knock at the door.
Standing on their doorstep was an elderly man with a warm smile. He introduced himself as Delmar Harter, their new 75-year-old neighbor. But he hadn’t come empty-handed. What he held was a cut from a piece of newspaper—a joke he had cut out, thinking it might bring a smile to the new neighbors’ faces.
“You don’t see that every day,” Julissa’s mother whispered, surprised by the unexpected kindness.
From that moment, something special began to grow. Delmar lived alone, with no family nearby. Julissa and her family soon started inviting him to join them for Sunday church, followed by lunch. Then came movie nights, game nights, and ice cream outings. They celebrated holidays together. They spent Thanksgiving and Christmas side by side.
“We quickly started treating him like family,” Julissa later recalled. Over the years, Delmar became a steady source of joy in their lives—always showing up with small, thoughtful gifts and his signature collection of silly jokes.
But the friendship wasn’t one-sided. When Julissa’s father passed away, she went through an incredibly difficult time. It was Delmar who showed up, offering support and love, checking on her family, being the friend and family anyone would be lucky to have.
“He was always there,” Julissa said. “Through the good times and the hard times—pretty much every moment we’ve gone through in the last ten years, he’s been by our side.”
续写两段开头句
Paragraph 1: Julissa started sharing their daily moments on social media, touching people around the world.
Paragraph 2: To help Delmar with his hearing loss, Julissa decided to write a book about his story.
📖原文故事梗概
第一步：抓核心人物（续写最关键）
第二步：抓情感主线
第三步：拆解两段给定开头，锁定续写方向
第四步：提炼高考读后续写得分要点
重点解析「两段续写段落之间的衔接逻辑
🔍核心衔接逻辑
合理衔接思路
学生习作
✅学生1（最高分，卷面第一张，20+）
原文转录
Julissa started sharing their daily moments on social media, touching people around the world. At the sight of those heartwarming photos, where Delmar told silly jokes over homemade deserts, a flush of warmth washed over thousands of viewers. Upon hearing their tender stories of spending festivals side by side, countless netizens left messages full of praise. The sweet smell of holiday pies, the cheerful laughter echoing in the yard, and the soft sunlight falling on their faces, all vividly brought this cross-age friendship alive. Soon, their story spread far and wide, inspiring many to reach out to their lonely neighbours nearby.
To help Delmar with his hearing loss, Julissa decided to write a book about his story. Upon hearing Julissa’s idea, Delmar’s eyes sparkled, and a flush of excitement rose to his cheek. At the sight of Julissa taking notes carefully and recording every memory, Delmar recalled the day he brought the newspaper joke to the new neighbours. They spent afternoons together, listening to his old stories, feeling the gentle breeze outside the window, and tasting freshly baked biscuits. Months later, the book was published. It raised enough money for his hearing aids and conveyed the truth: simple kindness can turn strangers into beloved family.
✨亮点
1. 段落衔接：流畅自然
第一段写完故事全网传播，启发大家关爱独居邻居；不需要强行铺垫听力损失，叙事顺承。两段逻辑：故事走红→萌生写书记录故事、帮助老人。
2. 大量回扣原文线索：silly jokes、newspaper joke，呼应原文细节。感官描写丰富：smell、laughter、soft sunlight，画面感极强。
3. 人物刻画到位：eyes sparkled，神态描写生动，贴合Delmar温和的人设。结尾升华紧扣主题：微小善意，让陌生人变成家人。
4. 句式多样，分词、并列结构运用娴熟。
⚠️可优化小问题
少量名词拼写小失误 deserts 应为 desserts；长句较多，写作时注意标点断句。
✅学生2（中等偏上，第二张）
原文转录
Julissa started sharing their daily moments on social media, touching people around the world. At the sight of this daily moments, a wave of warmth surrounded people. Upon hearing their game nights, sweet smell of turkey on Thanksgiving, and Delmar’s wrinkled smiling tale, people were unconsciously reminded of their loved ones nearby. Many people saying the story reminded them to value the people beside them. When Delmar saw these comments, his fingers trembled slightly, his eyes filled with tears, his mouth spread across a smile. He felt the warmth of home.
To help Delmar with his hearing loss, Julissa decided to write a book about his story. She sat beside Delmar and listened to him tell his stories. Upon hearing these stories, she felt as if she had stepped into Delmar’s past. She described his voice, the smell of old newspapers, and the missing jokes on the papers. The book recorded their ten years of precious memories. Delmar’s fingers brushed over the words. He closed his eyes, securing the wonderful memories of the past. The love of family is the most beautiful feeling in the world, and he would keep this book forever.
✨亮点
1. 人物情感细腻：fingers trembled slightly, eyes filled with tears，抓住老人看到网络留言时内心感动。
2. 回扣原文线索：old newspapers，呼应开篇报纸笑话；十年相伴的记忆，紧扣原文十年陪伴。
3. 结尾聚焦书本承载回忆，情感真挚。
⚠️存在问题（课堂重点讲评）
1. 语法错误：At the sight of this daily moments 冠词错误；Many people saying 缺少谓语，句子碎片。
2. 两段衔接偏弱：第一段只写老人看到留言很感动，完全没有铺垫听力损失相关线索。第二段突然转到写书帮助听力障碍，两段之间逻辑断层。
3. 个别表达中式感较强，his mouth spread across a smile表达不够地道。
✅学生3（基础版，第三张）
原文转录
Julissa started sharing their daily moments on social media, touching people around the world. At the sight of the warm comments, a wave of warmth flooded over her. She grinned from ear to ear, took a deep breath to compose herself, an inner voice telling herself that she can cheer up. Soon, hundreds of people left kind comments, saying their friendship warmed their hearts and reminded them to value neighbours. However, from then on, Julissa notice that Delmar was gradually losing his hearing, which made it difficult to show up with small, thoughtful gestures and his signature collection of silly jokes.
To help Delmar with his hearing loss, Julissa decided to write a book about his story. Without hesitation, he looked for photos, gathered memories and began to write the article. At the thought of this, there’s a long-expected smile across her lips. Upon hearing the news that she would help him, the whole family members joined in. With all members's efforts, they finally finished the book. The moment he saw the book, he opened the gift with her hands shaking slightly. Laughter and cheerful voices echoed the house. It was at that moment that I realized that a good neighbour is better than a far-dwelling relative.
✨亮点
✅衔接是三份里做得最好的！
第一段末尾，专门增加句子：However, from then on, Julissa notice that Delmar was gradually losing his hearing...
👉直接在第一段结尾预埋线索，完美搭建两段之间的逻辑桥梁，解释了为什么走红之后，Julissa想要写书帮助Delmar。这是非常典型的高分衔接写法。
⚠️存在问题
1. 语法错误较多：时态 notice→noticed；人称混乱，he looked for photos 主语应该是Julissa；with her hands shaking 人称代词错误。
2. 细节回扣不足：虽然提到silly jokes，但是缺少感官、场景细节描写，画面感弱。
3. 结尾谚语a good neighbour is better than a far-dwelling relative属于中式谚语，英文续写尽量避免直接套用中式俗语，容易生硬。
教学感悟
三份习作，直观暴露读后续写两大核心痛点：
1. 衔接：最好的衔接，不是硬写过渡句，而是在第一段结尾预埋线索，为第二段的行为提供理由（如学生3的写法）。很多同学（学生2），两段各自独立，造成叙事断裂
2. 原文回扣：高分作文，一定会主动回扣原文埋下的线索（newspaper joke、silly jokes、holiday festivals），让续写扎根原文，而不是凭空编故事。学生1就是典型范例，用感官描写，把故事画面写活。
范文展示
Julissa started sharing their daily moments on social media, touching people around the world.
At the sight of warm photos of Delmar telling silly jokes over homemade pies, a wave of warmth washed over thousands of viewers. Soft golden sunlight fell on their smiling faces, and cheerful laughter echoed in the yard. Countless netizens left heartfelt messages, saying this cross-age friendship reminded them to cherish the people beside them. However, Julissa noticed Delmar was gradually losing his hearing. He could barely catch these warm online comments, which made her search for a better way to preserve their story.
To help Delmar with his hearing loss, Julissa decided to write a book about his story.
Upon hearing the idea, Delmar’s eyes sparkled with excitement, recalling the newspaper joke he brought on their first meeting. They spent quiet afternoons together, tasting freshly baked biscuits and recording every precious memory. Months later, the book was published. It raised money for his hearing aidsand spread their story far and wide. It dawned on readers that genuine kindness needs no grand gestures. A small joke offered to strangers can grow into lifelong family love.