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高考英语解题思路
专题六 读后续写解题Ⅱ
目 录
Writing 3 亲情关爱.......................................................................1
Writing 4 个人成长.......................................................................8
Writing 5 生活故事.....................................................................15
Writing 6 奇闻轶事.....................................................................22
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Writing 3 亲情关爱
【话题解读】
亲情类话题常包括：1.家人之间互相关爱（如节日惊喜、送
礼物、问候、父母教子女生活技能或做人道理、子女帮父母解
决困难、家人间共同的温馨经历等）;2.涉及亲人间的矛盾冲突
（或缺乏沟通，或疏于陪伴，或相互误会等），此类文章中重
点涉及个人的喜、怒、哀、乐、害怕、紧张、孤单、骄傲、喜
悦等细节描写。有关该话题的文章旨在帮助学生思考如何建立
和睦的家庭关系，进而领悟要珍惜亲情，意识到家庭和睦、家
人间的关爱和相互尊重以及有效沟通非常重要。
【素材积累】
高频单词
亲戚
relative
温暖
warmth
理解
understanding
感激
gratitude
团聚
reunion
陪伴
accompany
核心短语
家庭成员
family members
相互依赖
mutual dependence
照顾
take care of/look after
共渡难关
weather storms together
成长的摇篮
a cradle of growth
家的记忆
family memories
无条件的爱
unconditional love
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亲子关系
a parent-child relationship
温馨的家庭氛围
a warm family atmosphere
继续前进的力量
the strength to keep going
常用表达
1.家是一个我们可以享受无条件的爱和关怀的地方，亲情的
温暖总是存在的。
Family is a place where we can enjoy unconditional love and
care，and the warmth of domestic affection is always present.
2.家庭成员互相支持，同甘共苦，因此他们的关爱和关注是
我们生活的支柱。
Family members support each other through thick and thin，so
their care and attention are the pillars of our lives.
3.在家里，我们被爱和关怀包围，亲情的温暖使我们的内心
充满喜悦和幸福。
At home，we are surrounded by love and care，and the warmth
of family ties fills our hearts with joy and happiness.
4.亲子关系建立在相互的爱和尊重之上。父母照顾他们的孩
子，而孩子则向父母表达感激和关爱。
The parent-child relationship is based on mutual love and
respect.Parents take care of their children while children show
gratitude and affection towards their parents.
5.在一个充满爱和关怀的家庭中，我们学会感恩和无私，成
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长为善良和富有同情心的人。
In a family full of love and care ，we learn to be grateful and
selfless and grow up to be kind and compassionate individuals.
【典型分析】
（2025·天津模拟卷）阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段
落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
A MOTHER'S DAY SURPRISE
The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the
surprise they were planning for Mother's Day.How pleased and
proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed!
They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge.They had
watched their mother in the kitchen.There was nothing to it.Jenna
and Jeff knew exactly what to do.
The big day came at last.The alarm rang at 6 am.The pair went
down the stairs quietly to the kitchen.They decided to boil the
porridge first.They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to
boil while they made the French toast.Jeff broke two eggs into a
plate and added in some milk.Jenna found the bread and put two
slices into the egg mixture.
Next ，Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the
frying pan.Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying
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the bread.The pan was too hot and the bread turned black within
seconds.Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other
slice of bread.This time ，she turned down the fire so it cooked
nicely.
Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid
starting to shake.The next minute，the porridge boiled over and put
out the fire.Jenna panicked.Thankfully，Jeff stayed calm and turned
off the gas quickly.But the stove was a mess now.Jenna told Jeff to
clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the
porridge.But Jeff's hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of
pain.Jenna made him put his hand in cold water.Then she caught the
smell of burning.Oh dear!The piece of bread in the pan had turned
black as well.
注意：续写词数应为150 左右。
As the twins looked around them in disappointment，their father
appeared.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother
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up.
【透析原文】
故事场景in the kitchen，in the parents' bedroom
故事时间on Mother's Day
故事人物the twins （Jeff—a boy ，Jenna—a girl ），their
mother，their father
故事线索
Mother's Day was drawing near.→The twins planned to
make breakfast for Mom.→They made a mess in the
kitchen.
情感线索excited→confident→in a state of panic
文章大意The twins made French toast and chicken porridge for
Mom on Mother's Day.
【思路构建】
两段之首
定方向
Their father came to help them with the breakfast.They
presented the breakfast to their mother and the mother
was deeply moved.
思考问题
找方法
What happened when they made a mess in the kitchen?
Dad asked them to clean the kitchen and helped them
make the breakfast.
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梳理内容
定线索
第一段：爸爸知道了他们的计划→爸爸主动提出来帮
助他们准备早餐→早餐做好。
第二段：他们一起为妈妈庆祝母亲节→妈妈很感动。
完善思路
写要点
第一段：1.爸爸知道了他们的计划。2.爸爸帮忙做好
了早餐。
第二段：1.他们端着早餐对妈妈说：“母亲节快
乐!”2.妈妈很感动。3.妈妈对这对双胞胎说“谢
谢”。
【高分作文】
As the twins looked around them in disappointment，their father
appeared.When he saw the mess in the kitchen，so shocked was he
that he couldn't believe his eyes.However，having known what they
were preparing，he was greatly surprised and immediately offered
to get involved in the kids' job.Firstly，he put the pot of porridge
over a gentle heat ，asking Jeff to watch it.And then ，he asked
Jenna to break another two eggs and mix them with milk.Quickly，a
delicious breakfast was prepared.
The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother
up.Eyes opened，the mother heard“Happy Mother's Day!”from
her twin kids with hot，sweet breakfast before her.Behind the twins
stood their father.At that moment，their mother felt delighted with
tears.After learning about what had happened，she rose quickly to
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hug her family.“Thank you，my honey!”said the mother.
【综评】
整体：这篇范文主题突出且故事情节符合逻辑，与原文的思
路契合、融洽度高。
细节：对两个孩子在厨房忙碌的情节描写细致，体现出孩子
为母亲准备惊喜的迫切心情。第二段中对母亲情绪的描写表现
出母亲的激动及感动。
词汇：使用了一些高级词汇，如get involved in，gentle。
句式：①动词-ing 形式短语作状语having known what they
were preparing
②独立主格Eyes opened
③倒装句Behind the children stood their father.
Writing 4 个人成长
【话题解读】
“个人成长”是续写篇章中常见的主题，通常故事的主人公
或面对巨大的困难或面对自身的缺点，经历一些事情后，主人
公能够战胜困难或克服心魔，最终获得成长、激发内心的强大
力量。
【素材积累】
高频单词
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梦想
dream
逆境
adversity
挑战
challenge
毅力
perseverance
动机
motivation
乐观
optimism
自我激动
self-motivation
成就
achievement
核心短语
超越自我
exceed oneself
个人成长
personal growth
开阔眼界
broaden one's horizons
超越极限
surpass limits
追求卓越
strive for excellence
勇往直前
move forward courageously
从失败中学习
learn from failure
持之以恒的努力
consistent efforts
永不向困难投降
never surrender to hardships
常用表达
1.凭借毅力和决心，我克服了无数困难并获得了显著的成长。
With perseverance and determination ，I have overcome
numerous difficulties and achieved remarkable growth.
2.我的个人成长之路充满了挑战，但我始终坚持不懈，勇往
直前。
My journey of personal growth has been filled with challenges，
but I have always persevered and marched forward courageously.
3.我相信自我激励是个人成长的关键。通过不断挑战自己，
我能够超越自己的极限。
I believe that self-motivation is the key to personal growth.By
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constantly challenging myself，I am able to exceed my own limits.
4.我的梦想是我的指南针，引导我度过个人成长的挑战。每
向前一步，我就离实现我的志向更近一步。
My dream is my compass，guiding me through the challenges of
personal growth.With every step forward，I am closer to achieving
my aspirations.
5.在个人成长的过程中，我学到成功不是终点，失败也不是
致命的。真正重要的是继续前行的勇气。
In the process of personal growth，I have learned that success is
not final and failure is not fatal.What really matters is the courage to
continue.
【典型分析】
（2023·新课标I&Ⅱ卷）阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给
段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
When I was in middle school，my social studies teacher asked
me to enter a writing contest.I said no without thinking.I did not love
writing.My family came from Brazil ，so English was only my
second language.Writing was so difficult and painful for me that my
teacher had allowed me to present my paper on the sinking of the
Titanic by acting out a play ，where I played all the parts.No one
laughed harder than he did.
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So，why did he suddenly force me to do something at which I
was sure to fail?His reply:“ Because I love your stories.If you're
willing to apply yourself ，I think you have a good shot at
this."Encouraged by his words，I agreed to give it a try.
I chose Paul Revere's horse as my subject.Paul Revere was a
silversmith（银匠）in Boston who rode a horse at night on April
18 ，1775 to Lexington to warn people that British soldiers were
coming.My story would come straight from the horse's mouth.Not a
brilliant idea，but funny;and unlikely to be anyone else's choice.
What did the horse think，as he sped through the night?Did he
get tired?Have doubts?Did he want to quit?I sympathized
immediately.I got tired.I had doubts.I wanted to quit.But ，like
Revere's horse，I kept going.I worked hard.I checked my spelling.I
asked my older sister to correct my grammar.I checked out a half-
dozen books on Paul Revere from the library.I even read a few of
them.
When I handed in the essay to my teacher，he read it，laughed
out loud ，and said ，“ Great.Now ，write it again.” I wrote it
again，and again and again.When I finally finished it，the thought
of winning had given way to the enjoyment of writing.If I didn't
win，I wouldn't care.
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注意：续写词数应为150 左右。
A few weeks later ，when I almost forgot the contest ，there
came the news.
I went to my teacher's office after the award presentation.
【透析原文】
故事场景
at my teacher's office
故事时间
in middle school
故事人物
my social studies teacher ，I （a middle school
student）
故事线索
My teacher asked me to enter a writing contest.→My
teacher encouraged me.→I wrote and polished my
essay again and again.
情感线索
unwilling→devoted→happy
文章大意
My teacher encouraged me to enter a writing contest.
【思路构建】
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两段之首
定方向
I finished the writing and waited for the result.
思考问题
找方法
What was the news?What did I do after knowing the
news?
The news was that I won the prize.→I was surprised
and thanked my social studies teacher.
梳理内容
定线索
第一段；老师告诉了我获胜的消息并向我表示祝
贺→我很惊讶→同学们都祝贺我→在颁奖典礼上，我
获得了奖牌。
第二段；老师拥抱了我，说他为我感到骄傲，让
我相信自己→我感到充满激情并且十分感动→我对老
师表达感谢→自信在成功中扮演着重要的角色。
完善思路
写要点
第一段：1.“你赢得了写作比赛。你做到了!”老
师大声地说。2.听到他的话，我非常吃惊。3.我的心
跳加速，几乎我的所有同学都向我表示祝贺。4.我默
默地流下了泪水。5，后来在颁奖典礼上，我获得了
奖牌。
第二段：1，老师拥抱了我，并对我说他为我感到
骄傲，让我无论下次挑战什么都必须相信自己。2，
我感到充满激情并且非常感动。3.我感谢老师的鼓
励。4，我坚信自信的确在我们的成功中扮演重要的
角色。
【高分作文】
A few weeks later ，when I almost forgot the contest ，there
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came the news.When we were
playing basketball on the
playground，my teacher came up to me as quickly as wind with a
big smile on his face."You've won the writing competition.You made
it!"he said loudly.Hearing what he said，so surprised did I feel that I
just stood there，opening my mouth.With my heart racing，almost
all my classmates congratulated me.I couldn't believe it.Without a
word ，I shed tears.Just later in the award ceremony ，I got my
medal.
I went to my teacher's office after the award presentation.When I
approached，he hugged me.Then in a low voice，he told me，"I
am proud of you.So next time whatever you may challenge ，you
must believe in yourself."I felt passionate as well as touched at that
moment.Looking at his eyes，I said firmly，“I really appreciate
your encouragement ，sir.”Afterwards ，it keeps my perspective
that confidence definitely plays a key role in our success.
【综评】
整体：这篇范文主题突出且故事情节符合逻辑，与原文的思
路契合、融洽度高。
细节：文章中对心理的描写非常出色，如“I felt passionate
as well as touched”。
词汇：用词丰富多变，使用了一些高级词汇，如come up
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to，shed，passionate，perspective。
句式：①with 复合结构With my heart racing
②动词-ing 形式短语作状语Hearing what he said
③倒装句so surprised did I feel that I just stood there
Writing 5 生活故事
【话题解读】
生活故事类续写主要聚焦于发生在日常生活中的故事。生活
平凡中有不平凡，简单中有不简单，生活中的故事每日都在上
演。讲好生活故事，传递温暖，表达积极价值。生活中有很多
看似平凡的人，但他们却做出了不平凡的业绩，为美好生活赋
能，带给人诸多的感动。小故事反映大道理，高考命题坚持
“道德品质和综合素质”的价值引领，要求学生认同并积极践
行社会主义核心价值观，自觉提升思想道德素养，明辨是非，
具有大爱大德情怀。
【素材积累】
高频单词
希望
hope
潜能
potential
尊重
respect
和谐
harmony
勇气
courage
幸福
happiness
激励
inspiration
诚实
honesty
责任
responsibility
鼓励
encouragement
转变
transformation
自省
self-reflection
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核心短语
传递正能量
spread positive energy
珍惜我们拥有的事物
cherish what we have
以微笑迎接每一天
greet every day with a smile
面对困难勇往直前
move forward bravely in the face of
difficulties
相互扶持共渡难关
support each other through tough times
感恩生活中的小幸
福
be grateful for the little happiness in life
追求个人成长与进步
pursue personal growth and progress
给予他人力量与希望
empower others with strength and hope
常用表达
1.在平凡的日子里，正是那些微小但暖心的瞬间汇聚成一股
超凡的力量，推动我们向着更加光明的生活前行。
In the midst of ordinary days ，it is those small yet heart-
warming moments that accumulate into an extraordinary force ，
propelling us towards a brighter life.
2.当我身处逆境时，家人无条件的支持和朋友们真挚的鼓励
教会了我坚韧与希望。
In times of adversity ，the unconditional support of my family
and the genuine encouragement from friends taught me perseverance
and hope.
3.生活中的每一次挑战都是塑造我们性格的宝贵机会，让我
们从失败中吸取教训，以更加积极的人生观拥抱未来。
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Each challenge encountered in life serves as a precious
opportunity to shape our character ，enabling us to learn lessons
from failures and embrace the future with a more positive outlook on
life，
4.正是这些日常生活中的温暖故事如同灯塔，照亮我们前行
的道路并激励我们不断追求更加美好的生活。
It is these warm stories in our daily lives that act as beacons ，
illuminating our paths forward and inspiring us to constantly pursue
a happier life.
5.让我们团结起来传递爱与希望，相信所有小小的善举会汇
聚成海，为我们的生活带来无尽的正能量。
Let us unite in spreading love and hope，believing that all the
small acts of kindness contribute to an ocean，bringing boundless
positive energy into our lives.
【典型分析】
（2024·江西模拟卷改编）阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进
行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
Pumpkin（南瓜）carving at Halloween is a family tradition.We
visit a local farm every October.In the pumpkin field ，I compete
with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest
pumpkin.My dad has a rule that we have to carry our pumpkins back
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home，and as the eldest child I have an advantage—I carried an 85-
pounder back last year.
This year，it was hard to tell whether my prize or the one chosen
by my 14-year-old brother，Jason，was the winner.Unfortunately
we forgot to weigh them before taking out their insides，but I was
determined to prove my point.All of us were hard at work at the
kitchen table，with my mom filming the annual event.I’m unsure
now why I thought forcing my head inside the pumpkin would settle
the matter，but it seemed to make perfect sense at the time.
With the pumpkin resting on the table，hole uppermost，I bent
over and pressed my head against the opening.At first I got jammed
just above my eyes and then，as I went on with my task，unwilling
to quit，my nose briefly prevented entry.Finally I managed to put
my whole head into it，like a cork（软木塞）forced into a bottle.I
was able to straighten up with the huge pumpkin resting on my
shoulders.
My excitement was short-lived.The pumpkin was heavy.“ I'm
going to set it down ，now，"I said，and with Jason helping to
support its weight，I bent back over the table to give it somewhere
to rest.It was only when I tried to remove my head that I realized
getting out was going to be less straightforward than getting
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in.When I pulled hard，my nose got in the way.I got into a panic as
I pressed firmly against the table and moved my head around trying
to find the right angle ，but it was no use."I can’t get it out!"I
shouted，my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the enclosed space.
注意：续写词数应为150 左右。
I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.
That video was posted the day before Halloween.
【透析原文】
故事场景
at home
故事时间
before Halloween
故事人物
my three brothers and sister（especially my brother
Jason），Mom，Dad，I
故事线索
I put my whole head into the pumpkin.→I couldn't
get my head out.
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情感线索
determined→excited→in a state of panic
文章大意
I couldn’t get my head out of the pumpkin hole.
【思路构建】
两段之首
定方向
My dad came to help me and released my head from the
pumpkin hole.My mom filmed the whole event and
posted that video.I became a celebrity.
思考问题
找方法
What did my family do to get my head out of the
pumpkin hole?
My father came to help.→He cut this pumpkin in
half.→My mom filmed the whole event and posted it on
the Internet.
梳理内容
定线索
第一段：父亲来提供帮助→父亲决定用刀子切开南瓜
→我的头被解救出来→妈妈一直在拍摄整个过程。第
二段：视频在网上广受好评→我变得出名。
完善思路
写要点
第一段：1.我很害怕。2.我爸爸过来帮我了。3.我可
以想象那一刻我是多么愚蠢和奇怪。4.爸爸决定用刀
子把南瓜切开。5.我妈妈一直在拍摄整个过程。 第
二段：1.视频吸引了网上很多人的关注。2.邻居和朋
友认出来从南瓜里把脑袋拔出来的那个人是我，把我
当成名人。3.当一些记者和电视台打来电话时，我才
意识到这个视频有多么受欢迎。4.它成为我最难忘的
万圣节。
【高分作文】
I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much
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longer.When I realized that my head couldn't get out ，I felt
scared.My dad came to help me.Sweating heavily and nearly
crying ，I could imagine how silly and strange I was at that
moment.My dad and Jason stopped to help me.At last ，Dad
determined to break the pumpkin with the help of a sharp
knife.“It's done!”The voice from my dad seemed to be the most
beautiful melody，and a breath of fresh air eventually entered.My
mom was filming the whole event.
That video was posted the day before Halloween.Surprisingly，
the video managed to catch
much attention from people
online.Neighbors and friends recognized the pulling-head person
was me and regarded me as a celebrity，It was when some reporters
and TV stations called that I truly realized how popular this video
was，Undoubtedly，it became the most unforgettable Halloween.
【综评】
整体：这篇范文主题突出且故事情节符合逻辑，与原文的思
路契合、融洽度高。
细节：对主人公受困时、脱困后以及成名后心理的描述尤为
细致，如“Sweating heavily and nearly crying，I could imagine
how silly and strange I was at that moment.”。
修辞：文中使用了比喻的修辞方法，如“The voice from my
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dad seemed to be the most beautiful melody”将爸爸的声音比喻成
旋律。
词汇：用词丰富多变，使用了一些高级词汇，如determine，
with the help of ，melody ，a breath of fresh air ，eventually ，
recognize，regard...as.…，celebrity，undoubtedly。
句式：①动词-ing 形式短语作状语Sweating heavily and
nearly crying
②宾语从句how silly and strange I was at that moment
③强调句It was when some reporters and TV stations called that
I truly realized how popular this video was.
Writing 6 奇闻轶事
人类文化源远流长，在灿烂的文学宝库中，有一种幽默诙谐
的文题——奇闻轶事（包括寓言）。奇闻轶事假托故事寄寓意
味深长的道理，给人启示。此类文章大多篇幅简短，主人公可
以是人，也可以是拟人化的动植物或其他事物，如大家熟悉的
“揠苗助长”“刻舟求剑”“守株待兔”“狼和小羊”“乌龟
和兔子”“农夫和蛇”等。在读后续写中，考生应读懂故事内
容并总结寓意。
【素材积累】
高频单词
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传说
Legend
奇迹
miracle
趣闻
Anecdote
罕见的
rare
独特的
Distinctive
迷人的
fascinating
极好的
Fantastic
难以置信的
incredible
引人注目的
eye-catching
核心短语
透露真相
reveal the truth
意外之喜
an unexpected pleasure
幕后故事
the story behind the scenes
不可思议的经历
an incredible experience
引起轰动
cause a sensation
出于好奇
out of curiosity
代代相传
pass down through generations
激发想象
fire/stimulate one's imagination
常用表达
1.我要分享的这件趣闻非常引人入胜，这无疑会激发你的想
象。
The anecdote I am about to share is truly fascinating，which will
undoubtedly stimulate your imagination.
2.在我过去的经历中，这个特别的故事真的很独特且令人难
忘。
In my past experiences，this particular story stands out as being
truly unique and unforgettable.
3.我要讲述的这个故事不仅有趣，而且非常引人深思，富有
教育意义。
学科网（北京）股份有限公司
The story I am about to tell is not only amusing ，but also
incredibly thought-provoking and educational.
4.这个传说代代相传，以其意想不到的转折吸引着人们。
This legend has been passed down through generations ，
fascinating people with its unexpected twists.
5.我遇到过的最意外的乐事之一是下面这一有趣的事件，它
发生得非常突然。
One of the most unexpected pleasures I have ever encountered is
the following amusing incident，which occurred quite suddenly.
【典型分析】
（2023·山西期中考试）阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给
段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Many years ago，a crocodile（鳄鱼）lived in a pool.He spent
most of his time in the shady parts of the green pool.When he was
hungry，he hid into the water towards the watering hole where all
the animals gathered to drink the clear water on hot days.The
crocodile was very cunning（狡猾的）and kept only his eyes above
the water as he moved towards the other animals.Then his big jaws
closed in on some unlucky animals that didn't see him coming.They
became his delicious dinner at last.
The crocodile said to himself，“I’m so strong that no one can
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get away from me.”All of the animals were afraid of the crocodile
except a butterfly.
One day，the butterfly noticed the crocodile moving closer to
the other animals in the pool.She flew around the crocodile's eyes to
get his attention.She said，“You might be strong，but I bet you
won't catch anything today."She flew in circles around the
crocodile's face.
The crocodile rose up out of the water a bit so he could talk to the
butterfly.He said，“Of course I will.I’m the strongest animal in the
pool.I can catch any animal I want.”The butterfly flew past the
crocodile's nose and said，“I don't think so."She flew very close to
the crocodile and teased（戏弄）him with her wings.
“ Stop that!” The crocodile couldn't keep his temper.Not far
away，two birds looked up from the watering hole，They saw the
danger and flew to the treetops just in case.At the same time ，the
rabbits and frogs at the watering hole looked up as well and saw the
crocodile.In a flash，they all ran away and hid in the forest.
The butterfly danced in the air just in front of the crocodile's
nose.“Being strong isn't everything，you know.”Then she landed
slowly on the tip of the crocodile's nose.She flapped（拍）his skin
with her wings.
学科网（北京）股份有限公司
注意：续写词数应为150 左右。
The crocodile didn't like being teased.
Finally，the crocodile felt tired and stopped biting the butterfly.
【透析原文】
故事场景in a pool
故事时间many years ago，one day
故事人物a crocodile ，a butterfly ，two birds ，the rabbits and
frogs
故事线索All of the animals were afraid of the crocodile except a
butterfly.→The butterfly teased the crocodile with her
wings.→The crocodile couldn’t keep his temper.→Other
animals ran away.→The butterfly said that being strong
isn’'t everything.
情感线索proud→angry
文章大意The crocodile was teased by a butterfly.
【思路构建】
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两段之首
定方向
The crocodile got angry because of being teased by
the butterfly.
思考问题
找方法
How did the crocodile react to the butterfly's tease?
He opened his powerful jaws wide and bit in the
air.→His effort was in vain.→He was annoyed but
didn't have any good idea.
梳理内容
定线索
第一段：鳄鱼张开有力的大嘴，努力咬蝴蝶→一
切都是徒劳→蝴蝶紧紧地抓住鳄鱼的鼻子。
梳理内容
第二段：鳄鱼很生气，但没什么好主意→蝴蝶高
兴地飞走了→鳄鱼不得不游回水中→每个人都有自
己的短处，不应该过于骄傲。
完善思路
写要点
第一段：1.鳄鱼张开有力的大嘴，在空中咬了一
口。2.当他试图咬蝴蝶的时候，他用力跳了起来，
把水溅向四面八方。3.然而，一切都是徒劳。4.无论
鳄鱼用多大的力气去抓蝴蝶，蝴蝶都紧紧地抓住他
的鼻子。
第二段：1.他很生气，但没有什么好主意。2.蝴
蝶说：“你抓不住我，因为你不能把自己的鼻子咬
下来。”3.鳄鱼发出了很大的噪声，以至他的“晚
餐”都跑了。4.蝴蝶高兴地笑着飞走了。5.愤怒的鳄
鱼不得不又饿又不开心地游回水中。6.鳄鱼不应该
过于骄傲，因为每个人都有自己的短处。
【高分作文】
The crocodile didn't like being teased.He shouted，"How would
you feel if I catch you?"The crocodile opened his powerful jaws
wide and bit in the air.He jumped hard，making water splash in all
directions，when he tried to bite the butterfly.However，it was in
vain.So disappointed was the big guy that he stopped.The butterfly
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held his nose tightly no matter how much power the crocodile used
to catch her.
Finally ，the crocodile felt tired and stopped biting the
butterfly.He was annoyed but didn't have any good idea.The
butterfly said，“You can’t catch me because you can't bite your
own nose off.” The crocodile made so much noise that
his"dinner"ran away.Then the butterfly flew away ，laughing
happily.Meanwhile，the angry crocodile had to swim back into the
water ，hungry and unhappy.The crocodile might never know he
shouldn’t be too proud of himself because everyone has his own
shortcomings.
【综评】
整体：这篇范文主题突出且故事情节符合逻辑，与原文的思
路契合、融洽度高。
细节：对鳄鱼企图抓住蝴蝶的过程中的动作和心理描写非常
生动、深入。
修辞：文中使用了大量的拟人修辞方法，如“ He
shouted”“Then the butterfly flew away，laughing happily”。
词汇：使用了一些高级词汇，如splash，in all directions，in
vain，no matter，annoyed，meanwhile，shortcoming 等。
句式：①条件状语从句if I catch you
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②动词-jng 形式短语作状语making water splash
③时间状语从句when he tried to bite the butterfly
④倒装句So disappointed was the big guy that he stopped.
⑤让步状语从句no matter how much power the crocodile used
to catch her
⑥宾语从句he shouldn't be too proud of himself
